I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize