My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
