i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
