is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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