I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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