Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
