If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
