I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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