Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
