Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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