this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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