Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
