Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
