no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
