too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
