um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We're too hungover to prance.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
