It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
