I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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