Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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