I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
