I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He shit in the fireplace
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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