I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
