apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
