you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
