Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
