no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
