I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
