Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
