Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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