Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
