Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
