would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
