god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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