Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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