Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
