At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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