I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
