who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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