I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
