Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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