It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
