I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Drunk is not a location!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
