I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
