i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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