Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
All the doctor said was why
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
