Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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