She's JV to your varsity
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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