I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Enjoy the penises
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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