remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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