not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
