The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
