I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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