I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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