I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
