I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
