how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
