is your mom at the bar?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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