I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
