After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
