paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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