Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
