Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
