i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
