Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
