so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
