Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
